"Seek Me and Live"

As 2014 began and is now continuing to take its course, I am doing things that I never would have  expected. When New Years came, I could feel something. That something is what I have been praying to become for years…BRAVE.  I took a vow (as most of the people in our culture on New Years Eve do) to be brave. And it's different than any kind I have known before.  Perhaps because I never really understood bravery. I am not saying I am brave while I tremble inside and look away or sink back in fear of what may happen. I am not feeding off of emotions of vindication or injustice and calling it 'bravery.' I am simply choosing to live for once. What does that mean? For me it means breathing, being present and focusing on the task I am doing in that particular moment. It means taking charge AND letting go. It's walking through doors when they open and even knocking down some if I really want to.

I think some people are like I was/can be. They think they are "living." They think they are courageous. But in reality, they have themselves locked up in a fortification of rules and limits that make them feel in-control and safe. However, they are miserable inside. Or at least I was. 

Some of the things I am learning, doing, and experiencing are things I have always had the opportunity to try but found reasons not to. 

For instance: What if I fail? What if nothing comes of it? I really am too busy with this other thing I probably 'should' do. What if I am wrong about this thing I feel I am supposed to do?    

To all this I say, "SO WHAT?!?!" at least you tried. At least you saw. At least you know. And what did you end up doing? You lived your life. Now obviously we are talking  about doing/experiencing things that are morally right while using a good dose of wisdom, prayer, and a sense of responsibility. And YES failure sucks. It hurts. It's hard to forget. But that's only the cause of our culture telling us that it's shameful. In reality, failure is a part of a life worth living. 

I say all this because the other night I was unable to sleep and wanted to hear from my Lord so badly. Even in this newfound season of bravery, I still struggle with emotions and fear. I began to journal and wrote this…

"I am truly living. Yes I am nervous, but I am also EXCITED!"

Then I opened my bible and my eyes went straight for AMOS 5:4  "For thus says the Lord to the house of Israel, 'seek me and live.'" 

God was telling the Israelites how to get out of their punishment from turning away. And it is true, when repercussions come, the best thing you can do is to seek the one true God who will graciously hand you abundant life in return. But I also found a second meaning for myself. If I seek God, I will live. I don't want to walk in the way of death that so often depresses and smothers my soul when I forget my God. And for me that can be as easy as not considering Him in my thoughts for a day or less than that.

But I want to be ALIVE and feel ALIVE. I want life and I want it BAD.

 I felt God say in that moment "Seek ME." "Look at ME."  "I have what you need." "Draw from ME." "Look to ME." 

I felt a jolt to my heart. WOW, I really really need Him. I need Him more than I could have ever imagined. And I am SO thankful. 

To wrap this up, 2 songs come to mind. One is Sara Bareilles' "I Wanna See You Be Brave." And that is what I want to see from myself and those I encounter/are around me. I want bravery. That could mean taking a second job, or quitting one. It could mean deciding to take your singing career more seriously or stepping down from your prior dreams of pop stardom, to become an accountant. It could be telling a friend that she is beautiful or your husband that you love him in the middle of a fight.

The second is Alison Krauss' "A Living Prayer." And I will leave you with its lyrics.

In this world I walk alone with no place to call my home
But there's one who holds my hand
The rugged road through barren lands
The way is dark, the road is steep
But He's become my eyes to see
The strength to climb, my griefs to bear
The Savior lives inside me there

In your love I find release
A haven from my unbelief
Take my life and let me be
A living prayer my God to thee

In these trials of life I find
Another voice inside my mind
He comforts me and bids me live
Inside the love the Father gives

In your love I find release
A haven from my unbelief
Take my life and let me be
A living prayer my God to thee
take my life and let me be
A living prayer my God to thee

AMEN